Friday, June 11, 2010

Plan to be surprised

Yesterday marked 4 monthes to our wedding. As every month passes with a little more checked off on various lists, the excitement rises more and more. My fave wedding blog, among many awesome things, showcases unique weddings. I was reading one today and got choked up. My emotional reactions of joy to reading about other weddings are also increasing as our wedding date gets closer. Can't say that I am that shocked by this at all- it is no secret that I am quite the sap. The bride wrote of all the random things that didn't go according to plan but that ultimately those erroneous details didn't matter.
I've seen this post wedding reflection repeatedly on this blog in various forms- don't sweat the small stuff, keep it all in perspective, and so on. One woman I met soon after my engagement told me that the most important part of the wedding is day after, and keeping that in mind on the day of the wedding really helps. So why plan at all? If it's about the marriage which comes after the wedding, and Murphy's stinkin' law might show up, then what is the point? Why not just go to Vegas or elope in another exotic locale? Why worry about a dress?

Because because because.

- This is one of those life moments that I can't not share with my family and friends. I truly can't, I am simply not built that way. Granted, there have been moments where the idea of a quiet elopement seemed really appealing, but at the end of the day, I want to share it, and festively. And as much as it is a transition for the couple, it is maybe even more so for their collective families and friends. And having a event to mark that is awesome.
- It is a celebration/party that should have some structure... Even if said structure may fail with the presence of unforeseen weather, forgotten prep, dragons and evil unicorns or other such complications.
- We want our own unique stamp on the ritual and surrounding festivities. Can't do that unless you plan ahead and come up with some ideas.
- The dress, apparently, does matter to me. After having a fabulous little fashion show with some very helpful folks, I've chosen an ivory coloured dress that I was surprised to realize how much I liked. I am most definitely keeping the brown gown and will wear it at another fantabulous occasion.

I once heard about a Native American life perspective that said that we walk backwards into the future, knowing and seeing only where we have come from, and not really being able to see what is coming next.

OK, that works. Though, it's not going to stop me from planning ahead. But I guess it is also important to embrace the fact that there may- no, let's be honest here, there definitely will- be a few unexpected dips and bumps along the way, and probably on the day as well.

In his role as an advice columnist in the movie Dan in Real Life, a tender/funny/bittersweet movie that I really enjoyed, Steve Carell offers one of my favourite pieces of advice about the future- Plan to be surprised.
I like it because it doesn't say that you shouldn't plan ahead, which type A-ish folks like me pretty much do all the time, but that you should expect a few surprises too.

So as the planning continues for a day that will rock regardless of what happens, I accept that there will be some surprises and hope that they will not take the form of red wine on my dress, fires, injury or illness...though I could handle an evil unicorn or two:)


  1. I'm looking forward to celebrating with you!
    And I love your perspective--I'm excited for you and I loved getting to hear some of your thought processes.
    While I personally hope for a quiet elopement, it's only because the emotional engagement of my family is not something I want to manage in one event. I think a party and a ceremony to mark this huge change in your life is a fantastic tradition, and I'm so glad that you get this opportunity!

  2. You bring up a great point, Joy. Different strokes for different folks most definitely applies here. I know some couples who eloped and then had parties with their families afterward. Whatever you end up doing will be right for you:)

  3. No such thing as evil unicorns, but do look out for those pesky dragons. ;)