You know that awesome kid's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? If you don't, I highly recommend you get it regardless of whether or not you have kids.
Yesterday morning I experienced my own version. Thankfully, I had enough sense to stop my T.H.N.G.V.B.D. right in its tracks, but it wasn't before I had a moment where I truly thought my sanity had quietly dribbled out of my ear during the night.
I got up around 6am after a night of fitfull sleep. The rough sleepage was partly due to my snoring bed buddy. But admittedly, it was probably more due to my overactive (and at the time over-exhausted) brain. I have this 'fun' little game I play when I wake up in the middle of the night where I refuse to look at the clock (because we all know that will just stress us out more, and then we lay there not falling asleep, but highly aware of the passage of time).
What happens instead is that I lay there trying to convince myself that I have all the time in the world for sleep. Then this little, niggling speck of discontent in the back of my brain messes with me and points out that I probably have less then an hour before my alarm goes off. The battle between that little annoyer and the rest of my brain goes on until either, miraculously, I fall back asleep, or my alarm goes off.
So the day started out on not enough shut eye.
Yesterday was a work day. In prep for both clinical and work days, I pack my lunch and set the coffee maker the night before. Yay proactiveness.
I begrudgingly peeled myself out of bed, exhausted, feeling a little sore throaty and generally run down, got dressed, and headed to the kitchen. I went to pour my coffee (Yep, still drinking it. More on that another time) and realized that the liquid in the pot was just hot water. I stood there, completely confused because I remembered pouring the water in and grinding the coffee. I realized then that I had never put the grounds into the coffee maker.
My god, you would have thought that I had just realized that I needed to build the coffeemaker from scratch the way that revelation threw me. Sniffling and on the verge of exhausted tears, I put the grounds in the maker, then turned it back on. While my coffee was legit brewing this time, I decided to not make my usual scrambled eggs and opt for a piece of multigrain bread with some peanut butter. I pulled the peanut butter out of the fridge. The kind we buy has to be mixed with the layer of oil that sits on top of the peanut butter. One of us, while putting groceries away, put it in the fridge before mixing it and there was a solid layer of oil.
At this point, I started sniffling again, not sure I was going to make it to food without crying.
I know, ridiculous.
Then, I went to grab my last resort breakfast back up- cereal. I grabbed a bowl and went to get some cheerios.
We were all out.
I stood there, in a puddle of self pitying misery induced tears, a part of me knowing that this type of reaction was way out of the norm for me, but not caring as I stood there ready to just curl up on the floor.
At this point, James came in. He said he had heard my succession of sniffles and figured I'd bounce out of it, but when it became clear that it was going bad fast, he decided to check on me. He sat me down, made me breakfast and offered me a ride to work. As I sat there, pulling myself together and feeling very lucky and appreciative of my husband, I realized that my throat was kinda sore, my body was aching and I had an earache.
It occurred to me that I might not just be exhausted, but actually getting sick. I decided to not be a martyr and stay home so as to not get sicker (or get anyone else sick at the clinic where I work). I let my boss know, ate my breakfast, then passed out for two hours. It was the best (and only) post breakdown over breakfast nap I've ever had.
I think it is safe to say that I am a bit burnt out and this was my body's way of saying... scratch that, yelling- 'You have to slow down. NOW'. And that maybe the mid semester wedding really threw for me a loop (not that I regret it in the slightest). That maybe this semester is the hardest yet. That maybe I am learning so much, but starting a new (and awesome) job a week before the wedding/during a nutso semester was a little more than I can handle.
I have come to realize that I need a more balanced life- one with more exercise and sleep to counter the sitting and/or running around and brain filling. That said, I know the semester is almost over and that next week will be short one due to the holiday and I will get a chance to slow down a bit.
But in the meantime, if you hear me sniffling over unbrewed coffee/oily peanut butter/missing cereal at 6 am in the morning, a fantabulous hug would be welcome:)