I’m not having a great day. First of all, it is raining. I don’t usually mind the rain, but there is something about winter rain, icy freezing rain that can really bum a girl out. Especially when it has been going on for a couple days. After a snowstorm. And the sun has been MIA for a few days.
I was supposed to have clinical today. Actually, my clinicals started last week, but were canceled due to the snowstorm. So, this morning I got up and James (amazing man that he is) drove me to Salem for my OB clinical. When I got there, the receptionist told me that my preceptor was out sick. Yes, she could have emailed me, but maybe she didn’t have work email access at home. No, I didn’t give her my number in the countless scheduling emails back and forth- my bad. Still, frustrating as hell.
The beginning of this semester has been a puttering start at best. I only have classes on Mondays, so I have just had one day of class (what with MLK day this week) and so far no clinical hours. In previous semesters I wouldn’t have minded this totally chilled out pace as much, and this pace has been kinda nice after last semester but I am starting to get anxious. This is my last semester. There aren’t anymore mid semester breaks that I can just catch up hours in. Also, James and I are leaving for our honeymoon on April 29th and I’ll be damned if I still have clinical hours hanging over my head when we leave.
I’m bummed out. And when I am bummed out I have a tendency to get a little drama queen diva in my brooding. The rain doesn’t help with this, by the by.
Still, I have to admit to my ‘pouty diva sulking 'cause of the stupid weather’ self that all is not lost just yet. For one thing, it’s just the second week of the semester, and I will have many weeks to fill with clinical days. Also, if I get to the end of March/beginning of April and still need to make up clinical days- I ACTUALLY HAVE FREE TIME THIS SEMESTER TO DO THAT.
I was grumping… I mean talking to James about this earlier today and he reminded me that I am ‘so close’ to being done, that I am in the home stretch. I realized that I think that is part of why it’s making me anxious. I can feel the stretch- I am stretching myself out- my drive, motivation and stamina just a little further for a few more months when all I want to do is curl up and wait for it to be over.
I’m sure it will be over before I am ready for it to be over. While I am spent and burnt out on school mode (and not to mention damn tired of not having a steady paycheck), it has been my world for the last two and half years and I am a little bit... nope that’s a lie… a lot a bit nervous about being new NP person.
But still, for it to be over, it needs to start, and despite my last semester self that is still a little traumatized, I am ready to go. Mostly. Maybe after it stops raining ice drops of freezing coldness.