Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Fear, faith and school withdrawal

There seems to be an emotional cycle tied into the ebb and flow of nursing school.

During the semester, the pace is so fast and at times quite intense. Your brain adapts and starts filing through all the ‘to do’s on the list and you just keep going, frantically checking them off. Emotionally, this is draining but the fact that you have to simply keep going…well, it keeps you going. Then the semester ends and the work abruptly (though wonderfully) disappears, but your brain is still revving for more. Then, after a week or so, your brain stops going at that previously drastically needed pace and you look around and wonder ‘now what?’ The sudden shift from BUSY to FREE TIME is quite jarring, like a drastic blood pressure drop, or at least has been that way for me. And dare I say that it also been accompanied with some minor depression? I went from having very clear day-to-day goals, and deadlines (god, I love them and hate them at the same time), and now I am looking for work and the next step is not laid out in a syllabus.

I spoke to one of my instructors about this occurrence, and she recalled it from her time in school and described it as its own type of withdrawal. A frighteningly accurate description.

In preparation for our upcoming nuptials, my fiancĂ©e and I are taking an introduction to Judaism class. During class last week, the Rabbi leading the class talked about fear and faith, and how they are opposite of each other. Until he pointed that out, I hadn’t really thought about how true that is. Then I realized that mingled in with the ‘now what’ in my oodles of free time was also some fear that was really clouding my faith in myself to figure out the next step.

So, having called myself out on that, I have started networking and am doing my best to maintain a sense of faith in the bigger plan…even though it is a little bit…OK a lot a bit scary not knowing.


  1. Interestingly, some brides talk about that same sort of "now what?" depression after the big day. So maybe think of this as practice?

  2. OMG, the word verification it just gave me to comment on your blog was SPERM! Did you have something do do with that?!

  3. Excellent point about the post wedding 'now what'- I will have to keep that in mind. Maybe the fact that my wedding will be mid semester will help in that department:)
    Regarding the word verification- that is highliarious, and a total coincidence:)