I woke up this morning from a nightmare that felt so real I literally sighed with relief when I realized it wasn't. I dreamed that I was at my first NP job and had no idea what I was doing. It took me over three hours to see 3 patients, one of them had to wait an hour for a prescription refill because I didn't know how to write out what they needed. My stethoscope wouldn't work and I kept losing my way to my office. And as most nightmares play out, I was all alone with no one to help me.
I hate the scary dreams that aren't far off from reality. While I don't think I'll be alone (or certainly hope to not be) in my first job, the dream is a perfect manifestation of my fear of being useless, inept, slow, and all thumbs as a new NP.
The thing is, I will most definitely have days like that. Probably a lot of them. I have heard many many times that the first year as an NP is extremely challenging with a very sharp learning curve. I think the trick will be to NOT let the fear of the inexperienced unknown guide me. I think I will need to embrace that I am, as a student and soon to be new grad, just getting to the starting point. AND that no one is expecting an expert from us newbie NPs.
In the meantime, I'll keep plugging along with my studying, clinicals and classes.
I'll also hide from this.
Yes, snowpocalypse is upon us. Again.
I think it's time to bake some cookies.