The exercise class I signed up for didn't go as well as planned/hoped for. I definitely got a much needed reality check, but not the one I was expecting. I had this total fantasy that I would take this class and be so reinvigorated to workout. Yeah, not so much.
For one thing, I didn't make it to all the classes. I think I was being uber idealistic when I thought I could 3 days a week of 6 am classes on top of trying to get through the end of school. I am more inclined to evening/nighttime studying and found myself staying up late then trying to get up at 5am and function through 18-20 hr days and it really wasn't working.
Another thing was that I was doing new things physically and my knees (not in great shape to begin with) were killing me all the time.
Finally, I was, by far, the biggest and most out of shape person there. This shouldn't have bothered me, but it really really did. I had to modify everything we were doing and frankly this was embarrassing. While I credit myself as having pretty a good level of self confidence/self image, it was pretty clear to me that I have some work to do around my physical self in motion and not comparing myself to others.
Reading over the reasons why the class wasn't working out, I think they sound like excuses.
The reality check that I got from the class was that I am a really strong, overweight, out of shape person who needs to focus more inwardly and not compare myself to anyone else. And I am not sure how to proceed.
I have repeatedly played with the idea of training for, and participating in, an event. I am once again wondering if this is what I should do. Goal-less workouts don't really work for me. Also, there are a number of activities that I can do that won't be so rough on my knees. Years ago, I used to swim almost daily. I miss that.
I've played with the idea of joining a group, or at the very least taking refresher swim classes, but I chicken out.
I think what I need to decide at this point is which is scarier- the thought of not doing anything or starting something that might be really really challenging on multiple levels.