Monday, April 18, 2011

Feeling the fat, finding the faith.

The exercise class I signed up for didn't go as well as planned/hoped for. I definitely got a much needed reality check, but not the one I was expecting. I had this total fantasy that I would take this class and be so reinvigorated to workout. Yeah, not so much.

For one thing, I didn't make it to all the classes. I think I was being uber idealistic when I thought I could 3 days a week of 6 am classes on top of trying to get through the end of school. I am more inclined to evening/nighttime studying and found myself staying up late then trying to get up at 5am and function through 18-20 hr days and it really wasn't working.

Another thing was that I was doing new things physically and my knees (not in great shape to begin with) were killing me all the time.

Finally, I was, by far, the biggest and most out of shape person there. This shouldn't have bothered me, but it really really did. I had to modify everything we were doing and frankly this was embarrassing. While I credit myself as having pretty a good level of self confidence/self image, it was pretty clear to me that I have some work to do around my physical self in motion and not comparing myself to others.

Reading over the reasons why the class wasn't working out, I think they sound like excuses.

The reality check that I got from the class was that I am a really strong, overweight, out of shape person who needs to focus more inwardly and not compare myself to anyone else. And I am not sure how to proceed.

I have repeatedly played with the idea of training for, and participating in, an event. I am once again wondering if this is what I should do. Goal-less workouts don't really work for me. Also, there are a number of activities that I can do that won't be so rough on my knees. Years ago, I used to swim almost daily. I miss that.

I've played with the idea of joining a group, or at the very least taking refresher swim classes, but I chicken out.

I think what I need to decide at this point is which is scarier- the thought of not doing anything or starting something that might be really really challenging on multiple levels.

1 comment:

  1. I keep trying to convince myself to get in the pool at my gym--one of the reasons I joined. But every time I look at it I get honest-to-God palpitations. I have a long litany of excuses--don't have the right suit, there's too many people and I'd just get in the way, the tadpoles and minnows getting lessons would laugh at me, or maybe the senior aquacizers would... I am terrified of getting in the water, even though presumably it would be the best kind of exercise (joint issues for me too.)

    No solutions here. I have recently found myself looking forward to my regular workout, though, so something must be working.