This may hurt a little.

I received some unexpected birthday money this year. It was a very pleasant surprise.

After some thinking (and strong encouragement from James) I decided to treat myself to some training sessions with my favorite trainer at my gym.

I use the word 'treat' somewhat sarcastically here. There is nothing treat-like about what I am about to experience. Three sessions a week. For four weeks. At 6am in the morning. With a trainer who will push me. Hard. At 6am in the morning. The words 'boot' and 'camp' are in the course title.

Did I mention that it is at 6am in morning?

After I signed up for the course, and the 'WOOT! I am going to ROCK this and feel AMAZING' elation of my decision wore off, I began to have second thoughts.

Was I really voluntarily signing up (and not to mention paying) for this!? During the last month of school!?

Yep, and here's why.

I do not like how I feel in body these days.

It's not like I hate my body or some other self image conflict issue. I can feel the weight I've gained and the lack of muscle tone from not working out on a schedule. I have started going back to the gym somewhat regularly, but I am really struggling to motivate and push myself out of the clearly defined comfort zone I've created over the last 6+ months.

Also, I think I've been somewhat depressed lately. I realized this when I heard myself, for the 2nd or 3rd week in row, say to someone 'yeah, it was just a rough week'. I could list many different factors for this funk, but the truth is that working out just makes me happier. I feel better on multiple levels.

Hence James' aforementioned support; when your partner tells you they're a little worried about your mood, it's time for a change.

So, starting this coming Monday, I'll be pushing against the resistance of my current stasis with the help of an amazing woman who doesn't take it personally when I start swearing in her general direction.

I'm a little nervous and scared about the whole thing. But I am more scared about what would happen if I didn't give myself this jolt.