Friday, January 18, 2013

36 weeks many to go?

The most common question James and I get about this pregnancy ending/becoming parents is, "Are you ready?"

I genuinely don't know what it means to be 'ready' for the next step of this adventure.

I feel like I'm being asked if I am ready to jump out of plane (with a parachute) to sky dive. Are you ready for what will most likely be an all consuming experience but how it will actually 'be' remains to be seen?

Am I ready for my life to change in ways I can't predict? Am I ready to lose the current normal for a new normal that will have significantly less sleep for a while? Am I ready to be a parent? Am I ready to find a new level of companionship with my husband as parents and partners? Am I ready to put another being ahead of me all the time? Am I ready to experience a new kind of loving relationship that I have only read about?

Yes, I am. And so is James. But we don't know what to expect and that is both exhilarating and scary.
As we've been getting further into the pregnancy, the realities that we do know are coming have started to solidify a bit more.

Just this morning, for example. I know that the baby will wear clothing, but I was sitting in our dining room this morning eating breakfast when I realized that the CLOTHING will need somewhere to live too. I realize how small and silly this may seem but it was another piece of reality clicking into place for me. Thankfully, James is building us a changing table and clothing will live there, and on some shelving before the table is ready.

I haven't really had the nesting urge until the last few days. And even now it is pretty subdued. It's manifesting primarily as a need to be in a quiet, peaceful hibernating space at home. Time at home has become a sanctuary. But I do feel a slightly stronger need to prep, ever so lightly.

Maybe I'll start working on packing my parachute before we take off.

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