Dr Jekyll and Mr Baby

Dearest Baby C,

My little love, these days have been hard.

You are showing us other sides of babyhood that we didn't experience with your brother.
I'd heard stories about colic and what it was like for my parents when I had it. It didn't prepare me in the slightest for when the pattern emerged in your crying. I've been told that chronic crying/colic/fussy baby time should not be underestimated. I didn't realize what that meant until now, how utterly humbling it could be.

My god, can you cry. Even in the midst of some of the worst moments, I can sometimes slip into clinician mode and think 'damn, this kid's lung volume is amazing'. Sometimes in those moments I can reassure myself that it will be OK even though I don't know when that will be. Sometimes you cry until your worn out enough to sleep and I watch you. And I can find, beyond my own frustration and fatigue, some compassion and realize how crazy this must all be for you. There are many thoughts on what this crying is caused by. For you it is clearly a combination of end of day over-stimulation and food sensitivities. What your new world must seem like- so much to take in!

And that loving, in your face, touching you all the time sometimes not gently new big brother of yours! He just wants to love you and play with you so much and can't handle your cuteness.
Well, none of us can. You are cute.
Even at three AM when you've just nursed and I am eager to put you back to bed so I can hopefully get just a little more sleep and you give me a smile.
Well played, dude, really.

These days have been hard. And they probably will be for a while more. But they are temporary and someday will be a 'remember when' story.
Onward.
Love,
Momma