I was feeling the absence of this blog over the last week or so. My lack of posting has not been due to lack of things to write about. Quite the opposite actually. The first 10 days (my god, has it only been 10 days!?) of school have been... insane. Like being plowed by a truck of knowledge. I feel like this is the first night where I could take a breather. I've started two NP level clinicals and have a full course load on top of that. I will also be working come October, but truly have not grasped that reality yet. And of course, my wedding:)
There have been moments of doubt over the last almost two weeks. Doubt in my ability to do all that I have set out to do this semester. Doubt in my abilities to retain (and use) the knowledge that I being bombarded with on an almost daily basis. Doubt that I can maintain balance right now (I haven't been to the gym regularly in weeks, and I don't like it).
Fellow NP students and professors assure me that this is normal, this place of uber newbie-ness. I am reminded of the start of my brief job at the beginning of the summer. I feel like I only have thumbs and can only take in information, let alone apply it to evaluation and analysis.
I don't want to be here, in 'newbie' land. I want to be there- in 'I OWN this' land. When I stop pouting and feeling sorry for myself, I can admit to understanding that being here will ultimately get me there. You can't be an good at something without first NOT being good at it. That's just how it goes.
And just in case you were wondering, this is what newbie land looks like-
And this is where you can find me when I am not in class or at clinicals. Except, of course, for the weekend of the wedding. Pretty sure James would not be cool with me standing across from him, exchanging vows, with nursing school paraphernalia in hand:)