Tuesday, November 13, 2012

No man's land, prego style

I am now 26+ weeks pregnant. I thought I'd have more to say in the preceding weeks but it's been a very quiet and fantastically uneventful few weeks.

While my pants haven't fit for a while, I've only just started to really show in the last week or so and my shirts are slowly beginning to creep up in front. That part has been a mixed blessing. On the one hand I feel very fortunate that I have been so comfortable- I can walk easily and (mostly) move well. On the other hand, I wish it was a little more obvious that I was almost in my third trimester. But I know that I have no idea what to expect in the last ~14 weeks. It could all get quite crazy. So I'm grateful for my easy going pregnancy thus far, and hope it continues as such:)

One thing I've been experiencing that I wasn't expecting is a combination of ambivalence and mourning. I'm going through an ambivalent stage around what this kiddo will mean to us and our future. I am not disinterested, detached or depressed. Just kind of 'meh'. A friend with an almost 1 year old kiddo called this time the 'no man's land' period. While there is far more kicking and movement from within, this is still a highly abstract experience for me. And James. He is only just starting to be able to feel the kicks I have been feeling for weeks. And 'kind of sort of' showing leaves me in a strange place where people keep visually checking my abdomen for changes.
I assure you all, there is someone in there, and they are having a blast dancing on my bladder.
There is this really big life changing event slowly evolving and occurring but it hasn't really arrived yet. It's a strange place to be.

I've also found myself beginning to mourn the loss of 'just us'. Just James and me. Again, this doesn't mean I am any less excited about becoming a parent, but more that I am aware there is going to be a dynamic shift in who defines the 'we' of us. We have talked about this and plan on continuing traditions around weekly date nights and daily check ins to keep us in sync. But we also know that time will tell and there will be a LOT of learning and adapting as we go.

But until then, I am going to do my best to be in the moment with James, enjoy my current freedom and physical comfort for as long as it lasts and nap whenever I can.

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