Monday, July 8, 2013

The peace of feet

There are so many things I want to write about, or have thought about writing, on here about my experiences thus far as a parent. A working parent. A working (read full time) still breastfeeding (read pumping) parent. But I can't get my thoughts and time when I can write to line up properly.

There is just so much going on. I was sick this weekend. Sick for the first time in over a year. Yes, since pre-pregnancy. The combination of lack of sleep and working and everything else is starting to wear me out. Oh and being sick while parenting? SUCKS. James and I spent most of Saturday as a tag team- you nap while I watch him, and switch! Didn't see much of each other but I got the rest I so desperately needed.

I had a moment last week at work when a coworker asked the simple question of how I was going to balance work and home life and I burst into tears. At work. In the middle of the day. That was new. Can't say I cared for it.

I am not sure how we are going to balance it all. And sometimes that really stresses me out. I think about every article or book I've read about 'having it all' and right now my thought is if having it all is this exhausting, then I am all set, thanks.

What really upsets me though are the moments where said stress seeps into Gabriel's life. The little guy is doing so great and is communicating the only way he knows how and sometimes I get caught up in my own stuff and misread his cues. Those are humbling moments. Today, for example, we battled over a nap that SO needed to happen. And I felt myself getting more and more frustrated. But I had enough sense to take a step back and find a new approach and it worked. The needed nap happened.

Time with a baby is exhausting but it can also be peaceful. When he sleeps and I watch him melt into relaxation, his features calm me. He centers me and reminds me of my priorities. His beautiful little feet- so small and so important.

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