It's been a month.
A month, 30 days (in our little corner of the world) since the schools closed, jobs stopped or changed and our realization started to shift from the abstract (that virus happening over there) to our new reality (it's already here and shaping our world in ways we cannot yet fully comprehend).
A part of me can't believe it's already been a month.
The rest of me can feel every emotion, every gradual shift in my mind, every day my kids have missed their routines/friends/schools, and all the days I've not been able to see my patients in person.
I started this experience holding onto slivers of hope in the shape of reassurances that it would 'probably' 'only' 'maybe' be X number of weeks long. These slivers have morphed, stretched into thin threads of determination, optimism, lucidity, endurance, so much anger, strength and acceptance. These threads are SO thin, and their ends are frayed with fear, anxiety and at times panic.
But they are still there and I didn't know how strong these parts of me were, until now.
I've seen multiple articles about this being a 'great pause' (the 'great' implying significance; not positivity).
We are being forced to slow down and be with ourselves and families in ways that are not our normal.
For some this new space is dangerous or unsteady, their homes not being a safe place.
For some this might be an awakening, their awareness of healthcare racial inequality minimal at best before this all started.
For some, this is far from a pause, but some of the hardest days of their professional and personal lives, their jobs putting them in the thick of this pandemic.
For some, this pause seems unnecessary, feeling this is all a 'stunt', their minds unaccepting of what they cannot (or will not) see.
For many there is loss. So much loss.
For all of us, our world is changing.
We are in a chrysalis of chaos and uncertainty.
How long we will be in here is unclear.
It will end. But what we all bring out with us when it does, is up to us.
We create our future.
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